A Year in the Life
of a Czech Plush Monkey. |
Week 12: 4
- 10 April 2004 |
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"Doh!" Monkey blurted clicking another dead link. "The truth is out there. I know it is; Mulder said so; The X-Files proved it." Then he giggled. “Tee-hee-hee, no wonder so many of these are 404. They're dot-gov sites." |
110010100(2) |
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Monday, 5th "Oh boy!" Monkey exclaims struggling with his seat belt as I park the car. "The Climbing Gym & Pro Shop! I hope they sell powerbars." Alas, Opice is an urban, plush, Czech primate; and tho genetically coded for climbing, he's had precious little experience. That's why I've brought him to the Rocknasium. The owner, "Squirrel," will show him the ropes, if not the door first. |
 Opice confronts his Wall. |
Tuesday, 6th Squirrel tells Opice, "Safety first. After I help these people, I'll harness you up and we'll start your climbing lesson." Monkey's impatient to get started; but paying customers
come first. |
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Do I detect a slight tremble in Opice's tail? |
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 Look at the progress Monkey makes in just 10 minutes! |
Wednesday, 7th |
Wow! Opice is a natural, except...
naturally he's not wearing a safety harness. I wonder how he's going to get down? |
 
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"Hey, look at me!" "Anyone got a ladder?"
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Thursday, 8th Better than a ladder, Squirrel swings a rope over to help Monkey down. "Now Opice," he chastises. "This is a serious sport. You can't be monkeying around." Then it's the trainer's turn to laugh. "For a moment I forgot; whenever you're around, it is monkeying. All the more reason to put you in a harness." |
 
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Friday, 9th "Are you ready, plush buddy?" Squirrel asks after explaining everything for the 3rd time. "You betcha!" Monkey gives a big thumbs up. "Then start climbing," the trainer directs pulling the slack from the line.
This site's webmaster thanx the RockNasium for allowing Monkey to climb all over the proshop. Opice would say thank you also; except, gratitude is one of the advanced concepts beyond his prehensile mind. (That and selflessness, generosity, sharing, courtesy...) |
| Saturday, 10th Allow me to clarify... While the webmaster has the floor, he'd like to clear up some confusion overheard: Monkey's name is not "Opus." Opice and Opus share
many attributes; but they are very different non-beings. |
Berkeley Breathed autograph
& original artwork  |
 "What? You can't pronounce my name?" |
 1 of these things is not like the other. |
 "Hey! Ape / Penguin, hello!?" |
| Opice = OH-pits-zah | Opus = OH-pus (sorry about that 2nd sylable) |
| Opice is Czech meaning "monkey" and worse. | Opus is Latin meaning "work," which is bad enough. |
| Opice is arboreal, but prefers the tv couch. | Opus is aquatic, but prefers the Sunday papers. |
| Opice only speaks thru his webmaster (a.k.a. slave). | Opus speaks for himself and his slave (a.k.a. panelmaster). |
| Opice has never had a nose-job. | Opus has had both a nose job and unjob renose... job. |
| Opice has no self-esteem issues unless you count megalomania. | Opus thought finding his mother would solve his problems (note past tense). |
| Both are
flightless, unpredictable, obsessive, caracatures who love classic Star
Trek tv and that boffo new film Secondhand
Lions. |
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| Neither
are anatomically or politically correct, nor show any visible means of
support. Yet one might say they are userer friendly. |
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| Opus has never heard of Monkey. | Monkey has Opus's complete opus of literary opuses. |
| Opus is loved and appreciated by millions of readers worldwide. | Monkey is appreciated and loved by tens of world-wide-web surfers. |
| Opus has been known to wear a fruit covered hat. | Monkey is known to have fruit (and Carmen Miranda tendancies). |
| Opus travels at warp zillion speed. | Monkey once hitched a ride on a wheelchair. |
| Opus lives in a world populated by basselopes and uppity roaches. | Monkey lives in a world of lowly roachmotels (but at least they have cable). |
| They regularly
defy their caregivers and go off on wild adventures at the drop of a (fruit
covered) hat. |
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| Each costs
his chronicler hours of journalistic work recording the sudden, rapturous
exploits. |
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| One has
attitude; the other has even more attitude, if not disproportionate neuroses. |
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"I'm
doing it!
