Monkey's -- Chanteuse Adventure

Czech Plush Monkey's Adventures!

Monkey sees and does stuff.

Eskaton Players Play Bill

Star & Modest Moderator: Opice Monkey

Pianist: Michael

Mostest Hostess: Danijela

Refused Association or Credit: Prof. Peter Schickele, Esq.

Singer Co-Hosts: Azella, Evelyna, & Janeice

Special Guest Singer: Gean

Surprise Appearance by: (wait for it!)

"Danijela and I welcome you to my gig. Turn cellphones off now!"

Featuring selected works of plagiarist composer:
P.D.Q. Bach

"I'm forced to accompany Monkey on the keyboard?!"

The Backstory (short version)

Danijela needed Easter entertainment for her residents. She made the tragic mistake of mentioning it to Monkey. Monkey told Michael. Michael told Opice, "I could play a few traditional classics." Opice told Danijela, "I got you a guy who plays piano." Danijela worried, "What kind of pianist did you get me?" Opice proudly declared, "A traditional classical one." Danijela accepted, "That sounds good. Which classics does he play?"

Monkey only knows of one famous classicist, so he blurted, "PDQ Bach, of course!"

Danijela had never heard of that Bach family member, but his initials sounded expedient.

grand piano, well, nice piano anyway
Actual piano unused by composer.

(one of an ever-expanding number of such instruments expressly crafted to never
play any of his compositions)

Who was PDQ Bach and how does that justify anything? (With apologies to those who'd forgotten him.)

According to the world's foremost, yea single most, authority on de composer,
Prof. Peter Schickele, Esq. (University of Southern North Dakota @ Hoople, North Dakota >;-)

"[P. D. Q. Bach was] one of the most curious figures in the entire history of music in Western
Civilization; a man who did not change the course of music one iota, a man who defined
definitively the doctrine of originality through incompetence, a man who triumphed over the
most staggering obstacle ever placed before a composer: absolute and utter lack of talent.

"...[He] steadfastly ignored handicaps that would have sent other men into teaching or government...

"P. D. Q. Bach was the last, and by all means the least, of Johann Sebastian Bach's twenty-odd children,
and he was certainly the oddest of the lot. So much so, in fact, that we are tempted to wonder whether
old J. S. really was still at the height of his creative powers, until we remember that in the life of an artistic
giant the spirit can function quite distinctly from the flesh..."

The Definitive Biography of P.D.Q. Bach by Peter Schickele,
1976 Random House / New York, a teesey-bit from page 3 and "the best of" page 4.

We now rejoin Michael's Recital already in progress...
(and long over).

Monkey helps Michael perform PDQ Bach's buxom folk dance "Mega-Massive Allemande" (a.k.a. "Too Many on the Dance Floor"). The piece could have become a staple at weddings, village festivals, and discothèques of the time, had it not been for the age of Europe's buildings and the universality of dry-rot. The unfortunate first performance collapsed its chart standing into the basement.

Danijela (left) and Azella (right) join Michael in a spirited rendition of P.D.Q.'s Monkey’s Aria from Hansel and Gretel and Ted and Alice.

Many scholars have drawn parallels to the neo-Latin lyrics of "HaG-T&A," and the equally Greek gobbledygook of E Clampus Vitus [and it's credo Credo Quia Absurdum].

Others have dismissed the comparisons as "apples to oranges, lyrics to Clampers."


Performing PDQ's music presents unexpected challenges. Not only did the composer experiment with Xtreme notation, such as the novel representation above where he takes cross hand keyboarding to graphic proportions, but...	...being impoverished, manuscript paper was often unaffordable to him. Therefore, Bach penned the entire CliffsNotes Sonata on a single sheet of parchment. Alas, it has yet to be deciphered or erased.

Michael takes a break.

During the intermission, Opice performs a few of his personal favorites:

Für Elise (for 2 hands / 2 feet),
Hey, Hey I'm the Monkey (4 iPod),
Chop Stick (for 1 foot),
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star (for cosmologists).

Here we see the backup choir distracting Michael by singing behind his back when he's not looking.

Pictured top to bottom:
Danijela (singing & cupcakes [see below]),
Janeice (singing & nursing),
Michael (piano, coffee, cigarettes),
Azella (singing & volunteering)

They were probably singing Cantata: Blaues Gras, but it is difficult to know because someone had translated the original German into strongly accented Kentucky Bluegrass. (Launch sample below.)

Evelyna (center right) takes the mic out into the audience for an impromptu duet with Gean (center left).

Their's was an inspirational medley of excerpts from PDQ Bach's
The Seasonings:
     "Tarragon of Virtue"
     "Bide Thy Thyme"
     "To Curry Favor, Favor Curry"

Singing about food has left the crowd hungry for more food. It's a show stopper.

Regular Monkey readers (shame on you) recall the terrible cupcake catastrophe during Valentine's Elvis show.

This time Danijela avoided that crisis and Opice proudly served Eskaton's residents the promised Valentine treats for Easter.

And boy were they hungry!

Here's all that's left.

With the official Easter recital over, Opice fulfills a life-long wish to perform cabaret stile. He climbs up into the piano and with Michael's accompaniment, goes all Edith Pilaf.

He opened (above) with "Summer is a Cumin Seed" from The Seasonings, before descending into a spicy rendering of T' Ain't Nobody's Business If I Do And They Couldn't Stop Me if it Was.

Also performed while draped over the piano:
I Will Survive,
Stand By Your Man,
Aba Daba (daba ... daba) Honeymoon,
Somewhere Over the Rainbow (big finish version)

Here we see Chanteuse Opice
striking a pose for the press.

Danijela forgot to invite the press.

Opice will make her pay later for forgetting now.

PDQ Bach's The Seasonings original manuscript (unshreded).

Above we see an actual scrap from the
composition bearing the signature stains that
confirm the work leaked out of his Soused Period.

If PDQ did any research, it would have
been cabaret based, for sure.

A final finalè and
fond farewell to
an otherwise
FABULOUS
recital.

The End

Wait! Where's the Surprise Guest
promised on the Play Bill?

Surprise! It's me!

Monkey has always wanted to meet the Easter Bunny almost as much as he looks forward to a visit by the Tooth Fairy. [He keeps a quarter under his pillow in hopes the Fairy will take it and leave him a tooth.]

To his (whichever's) great joy, the Easter Rabbit snuck in during the recital. Of course he arrived just in time for cupcakes.

And it was a genuine, certified holiday hare! He was wearing an authorization badge and everything!

Monkey wishes to thank Peter Schickele professorially,
P.D.Q. Bach post-humorously,
and hopes neither will roll-over in a grave
any time soon for the above travesty.